Monday, August 20, 2012

Right of passage

I just watched The Business of Being Born, a documentary on birth in America. I have been an advocate for home birth for a little while now, but watching this movie... I am sold. If I ever got the chance, this is what I would do. But this post is not about that...
In the movie, they use the term "right of passage", in regards to birth and a women's right of passage to deliver the way she was designed to. For some reason that term hit me in the heart, like I was being ripped off of my right of passage, that somehow I am not quite a women until I get to give birth. Feeling quite crappy after the movie, I ran into this...
and tears came...
To compare birth and adoption is not even possible because they are just different. One is not better than the other, they are just different.
To be called to adopt, to wait, to fight, to learn of the Father's heart of healing, restoring, attachment... maybe this is a "right of passage"?
You may wonder how I gathered all this from my friend's blog post above, but to see God so clearly calling someone to support adoption reminds me that sometimes God has a different plan for us. How dare I compare plans... and say I must have one over the other. Again one is not better than the other. It is so clear that Jesus has called me out, like a spotlight on a crowd landing on me. And although I am in the middle of the fight and haven't seen the outcome yet, my plan is still good. It is my "right of passage", it is the pathway I have been called to walk down, the one that has been set in front of me.
I hope if you are reading this and you live in Alberta, you will consider supporting the Spirit of Adoption foundation. It is important that we band together for those who have been chosen to walk down the path of adoption, because it is hard, it is different,  but it is just as important as everyone else's "right of passage".

Friday, August 10, 2012

Maybe the ship has sailed

I haven't written much about our adoption lately, mostly because I don't have much to say. I am tired. It's a strange feeling but I feel like I have given up. I'm not sure it's a bad thing but I feel like I can't hang on to hope anymore. I trust Jesus and I trust His plan for me, I just don't want to keep thinking about this adoption, hoping then being disappointed. Maybe this is some sort of defence mechanism, you can only hold on to something that just seems so far out of reach for so long. 
I should say however, that I have not given up on my children. It's just this particular adoption that I am done with, I am ready to move on. I still fight daily for my children, wherever they may be. I pray continually for Jesus to bring them home, to go to war for them, to bring them to the family He chose for them. 
Maybe my child doesn't live in Ethiopia? 
I don't think I've been open to that thought before, but I think I need to open my hands and grip on this particular adoption. 
I'm not sure where God will lead us, or if He will just ask us to stay, but I am willing. 
Please pray for us as we seek our Father, listen to His leading and as we continue to wait.