Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Isaacs mosaic aunties

We had the privilege of going out for dinner with some of our favorite people. These women have prayed for Isaac since before he was born... and finally it was their chance to meet him. If only Isaac knew all the love that was at our table tonight...and maybe he could feel it as he sure was showing off for the ladies this evening!
These are the ladies who run the Mosaic Centre, the place Arnie and I volunteer. They have hearts of gold. On our drive home, Arnie says, "Why do you have a big grin on your face, what are you thinking about?" My response, "Those ladies just make you feel like a million bucks." I think when you spend all your time serving others, you end up looking like Jesus. I look at these women and their faces glow, they are truly beautiful in every way. Arnie and I have always looked up to them, he has said on many occasions that he feels they are his mentors.
I won't give all the props to them, of course they wouldn't want that. I truly believe that a love like theirs is given by God. It is because of His love to us that they are able to love others as they do.
We had such a good night. We are humbled by the way they care about us. They have seen us through many of the ups and downs of the last couple years, but there we were tonight...watching Isaac...finally seeing the reason we waited. At the end of the night he leaned in for kisses from them, they deserved every one.
We love you ladies and can't wait to be a part of Mosaic again!!!!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Her greatest tragedy

I've been thinking of this post on and off for the post 2.5 months, but more recently. I'm not sure how to write it so please bare with me if a thought comes out as unfinished or perhaps in some perspectives just wrong.

I read a quote on pinterest that said :

"A child born to another women calls me Mommy, the magnitude of that tragedy & the depth of that privilege are not lost on me"

I've been thinking about Isaac's birthmom lately. Maybe the word is more like mourning over her. It wasn't until I held my baby in my arms that it really sunk in that I am holding him because another women who should be, couldn't. There are many reasons for a women choosing adoption for their child, I don't know why Isaac's birthmom did...if I did I wouldn't make it public knowledge either as that is his story to tell. But among those top reasons, poverty is on top. So I am left with a lot of questions and very few answers.

Dispite her reason, I mourn over her. There is so much I want her to know... that her son is loved, he has parents, he has a bedroom, toys and clothes, we feed him well.... the list goes on. I just want her to know these things, it honestly eats me up inside.

I'm becoming more and more aware that adoption happens at a huge loss. I've been so into my own joy of having a new son, that it side swiped me the sorrow I would have over the situation as well. My joy came at the cost of another women's sorrow. I'm not sure how that is to be processed. For now all I can think of doing is praying for her. I pray that she would know Jesus, that maybe we could meet her one day, that she is safe, warm, fed... and I pray that one day she will know that Isaac is ok.

And as much as I want this for her, I want this for Isaac too. I want to give him answers, I want him to know who she is... I don't know I ever can, but I want to. Maybe it has to do with growing up without answers of my own....but I pray that I could give this to him one day.

Maybe my thoughts are wrong, invasive, insensitive, too sensitive, etc...but they are mine. I am finding the adoption community (not my direct one) to be very opinionated when it comes to these types of sensitive topics so I wrestle with posting this at all, but this is the reality of adoption. It is hard on many levels. It is not perfect, in fact it only exists because of imperfection. It kinda leaves you hanging there with a mix of love and sorrow. Many people are against international adoption for this reason, but I can't look my son in the face and think that an orphanage would have been better, and I also can't fix the magnitude of the problem that landed him there in the first place. I do, however, try to take a holistic approach. I would work to the end that orphanages are empty, but the orphans currently occupying them need a solution as well. We sponsor children so they don't fill Isaac's bed. I try to think on both ends, prevention and dealing with the current problem.

So as I work out this sorrow, this joy that came at a price, I ask for prayers. For Isaac's birth mother and others a like, that this cycle could stop but also that these children could find forever families. I know that is a random thought to end on and this post is seemingly incomplete... but maybe that is the state until heaven...

Monday, July 15, 2013

Attachment Update

Many people have been asking us lately how attachment is going and I realized since we have been home 4 weeks I should give an update from our "when we get home" post.

We have seen some great signs in Isaac in the past little while. While we can never say we have arrived as attachment is life long, we feel we have made a pretty good foundation. He is such a trooper and has adapted so well to his new life. Now that the four weeks are over and we have been venturing out and seeing more people we are feeling like a new chapter has begun.

While it was necessary to be as strick as we have been for the last weeks, we feel we can loosen up just a little. We still feel that all this is fresh. It's like removing a cast after the healing of a broken bone... you don't just go right into using it full force, but you ease it in, baby it a little and take it slowly.

We have slowly been allowing family to hold him for a minute and give him a kiss, but we are still not passing him around. Although we feel he knows us and is feeling attached to us as his primary caregivers...we don't want to just brake that. We want to secure our foundation. Only time will do this. We also don't want to hand him to just anyone he has seen for the first time. Family is different because they will be around always in his life. We just ask that everyone be patient with us and understanding of the situation... with that said I do have to say a huge thank-you to everyone! We feel so respected in how polite and understanding everyone has been. We feel incredibly loved that you would think enough to ask us how he is doing and were we are standing. This weekend we went camping with some close friends. The first question we were asked was what was what was the protocol with Isaac for the weekend. We appreciated that beyond words and although Isaac is clueless to it, he appreciated it to. You know that kind of love that will lay aside their own desires for the better of someone else, that is the kind of love we feel from these friends. This weekend was perfect, we were worried about being in a tent for two nights, but Isaac did so well. Our friends were so helpful and loving to us, they warmed his milk, gave us a black out tarp so Isaac could sleep, offered to help us clean up and gave Isaac lots of love from a distance. It was a good experience. We came home feeling like our attachment had not been damaged in any way. Isaac was confident in knowing we were his still.

So as we slowly emerge from our cocoon, we ask you still take it easy on Isaac. We are allowing family to slowly have a chance to spend a little more quality time with him for now and we will keep watching him to see how he is doing.

Again we thank-you for your respect, we feel very loved and it is again another thing I get to tell Isaac one day when I tell him about all the people who loved him home.

We thank God for the attachment that we see, knowing that ultimately he is the healer. He is the one who will put Isaac's heart back in place. He is the one who will mend his spirit. So we continue to pray that God will teach him who we are and more importantly who he is.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

At 13 months

I have been trying to find some time to update my blog but it seems time is a precious commodity these days. So before this boy turns 14 months I am finally writing his 13 month old update!!

At 13 months you like to eat:
-blueberries, strawberries, cherries
-pasta and breads that you can hold yourself
-baby mum mums
-plain oatmeal and greek yogurt with pureed fruit mixed in
-things that are chopped
-you still eat chewed food from Dada's mouth as sometimes you need your meat pureed still (I know gross, but when you need a quick grind, it's just too convenient)
-"protein blasts" after Dada works out (sometimes with you on his back) he takes you inside for a protein blast, usually cottage cheese
-you share a banana with Daddy every morning before he goes to work
-you still eat anything we give you (no sugary things yet) and we are so grateful for this!!
-you drink 15-20 ounces of breastmilk a day and you love it!

First time at our park, loving the swing
At 13 months you like to play:
-with your puppies, you climb on them and whollap them on the head while yelling...we try to teach you to be "nice" to them and pet them, but you get so excited you just want to hit them
-outside, you don't like grass and do the funniest crawl but you love to sit on a blanket or the big swing and just climb
-you love your baby pool and going in the hot tub
-in your jolly jumper
-with pots and pans, things that go in the recycling bin, things that bang and the dog cage
-you are starting to get a little more interested in toys, especially ones that make music, you have been playing a little more independently with your toys
-you play with cars and make a broom broom noise, you will pick a car out of a pile of toys and start to drive it!!!

I love to make us matching so everyone knows you are mine!

At 13 months you say (in addition from the words at 12 months):
-Baba (baby)
-Pup pup (puppy)
-poo poo (you say this when you are pooing)
-anana (banana)
-you sign the word milk
-you love to scream and squawk with joy especially when Dada is playing with you!

At 13 months you like to sleep:
-12 hours a night (unless you decide to throw a 4am party)
-2 naps of 1 hour and the pas two days 1 nap of 1 hour
-you nap in your crib and sleep the night in our bed
-you roll around and love to kick Dada, you tend to roll onto his side and love to touch his arm or poke him wit your feet... makes Mama jealous ;)
-you still like to be rocked to sleep but you recently have started to to fight it more than you used to so we cut out a nap and you seem to go down easier
-we are always there when you wake up and you are seeming to be more confident that we won't leave you everytime you see us when you wake up

At 13 months you like:
-all I can think of is: your life. You are mostly content and if you aren't it's either you are hungry, tired or bored of a particular thing you are doing. You rarely just cry and it is easy to make you happy again. You just really enjoy your new life, your new family, cousins, grandma, papa, puppies, house... and everything else. You are really attaching to us and know when you want to be picked up, snuggled, played with and held. You are starting to ask for what you need, we remind you to say please when you are whining and you will quickly correct yourself to sign please instead of whining.

At 13 months you don't like:
-waiting for milk
-sharing with other babies
-honestly there is not much you don't like...it's one of our favorite things about you. You are easy going and content in most circumstances, as long as one of us is with you, you seem to take on the world with great joy :)

Developmentally you are growing fast. Since being home you have gained 1.5 pounds which is about 0.5 pounds a week. You are now up to 17.5 pounds which is great!! You were 15 pounds when you first arrived in our arms. You can now pull yourself up on furniture and walk around it. Your crawl has increased speed and you held yourself in a standing position for one second without help! We are so excited for you to be developing like this, but we are also wanting you to slow down just a little:)  After all you are still our baby!

We couldn't be more blessed to be your parents, you are truly a joy to have in our lives. We LOVE having you around and really like who you are becoming. You make us laugh all the time with all your cute things you do. You love to copy us, especially everything that Daddy does. Everyday we thank God for you, we are well aware that he did not have to give you to us but from His heart of love and compassion, He choose to.