Sunday, May 22, 2011

My Africa Night

My recent facebook status said: "There is only one other place I'd rather be ... can you guess?"   Obviously it is Ethiopia! I have been so longing to go to Ethiopia, not only to pick up our one day child but to go and be with the children. I feel that my heart is strangely and somehow connected to a place I have never been to.... but I can't get this longing to go away...

Every Sunday night we open the Mosaic Centre from 4-8pm, because of the amount of children that were coming in while the Winter Warming was running, we started a kid's craft on Sunday night. We had balloons, face painting, and crafts all ready to go...but no children. Arnie and Joe decided they would go to the apartments nearby to find and invite some children. They knew where some of the children lived from the month previous when they would walk them home, so they thought they would try there. I stayed back at the centre while they were gone ( I actually did not even realize they had left to find children). After a while I saw the front door open and a couple Sudanese children stepped in. Then a few more, and a few more and some more after that! They had gathered about 15 Sudanese children to come for the craft. Some we had met before, but this time they brought all their siblings and cousins.

We had a riot! An evening in Africa with balloons, face paint, ice cream and crafts. The children were very hyper, but I didn't mind, I could tell they were having the time of their lives! I designated myself as the face painter, hands down best job of the night. I painted some of the most sweet faces I have ever seen. All the little girls wanted to be princesses and angels and the boys batmans and spidermans. 

One sassy little 6 year old started to put on a little sass act with me. I listened to her for a while, then instead of responding in a way she was probably used to, I  gently touched her chin, smiled right at her and said, "You have got to be the cutest little girl I have seen!" She smiled and ran away, the rest of the night her sass became a sweet sass not a mean sass. 

What a fun night. I am so grateful for tonight, I felt my heart got to fully come alive.

There was one little boy who had been climbing on Arnie all night. He had gone with Arnie to get ice cream for all the children. While they were out he tugged on Arnie's sleeve as if to ask him a question. When Arnie looked down at him he smiled back and said, "Can I go home with you?" Arnie gently told him that he couldn't and that he would need to go back to his home, but seriously could you break our hearts a little more??

We are hoping they all return next sunday for another fun Africa night!

This was my night in Africa, a small piece of hopefully is what to come. I feel blessed because God allowed me to live out my dreams for a night... I am full of anticipation for the future!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Do Not Worry

I've been doing a lot of worrying lately. 

And we all know that worry gives way to stress, so that is me lately, a giant ball of stress. 

However, it is interesting to see what my Jesus has to say about all this worrying I have been partaking in:

Matthew 6:25-34 (New International Version)

Do Not Worry
    25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?   28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

When I think of our adoption, I have a lot of anxiety and worry. I start getting upset, wondering if it will ever happen. I worry about the long trip to Ethiopia, when it will come and what we will be doing in our lives at that point. I worry about our child, are they being taken care of properly, are they loved, are their needs being met? I worry about my family and friends giving up on us. They have waited as long as us and I feel that soon everyone will throw their hands up and tell us to move on. I have big worries and little ones...I even sometimes worry that we will have to go in winter and there won't be any shorts for sale for our child and I won't have summer clothes for them to wear for our time in Ethiopia. Sounds ridiculous, but one worry just leads to another.

I am trying instead now, to take these worries captive. When they come, to send them to Jesus. Cause after all, when I do that, Jesus just tells me, "You may be worried Daughter, but I am not." How can I respond to that? The one who is orchestrating the whole plan is not worried. He knows the future and the past and is still not worried. He is in control. When the time is right, we will have our child, not one minute too soon and not one minute too late. They will arrive on time. And I am sure as the plan unfolds it will somehow work itself out. Everything will fall into place. 

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Gone Crazy

Yesterday the phone rang. Now don't get too excited... it was a prank. Not an intentional prank, but a prank none the less. The number had a Toronto area code, our agency is in Toronto. Although I am expecting the call from our agency in Calgary, for some reason I thought maybe, somehow, this could be it. I grabbed my cell phone, looked at the number and had a mild panic attack. As adrenaline shot through my veins, I picked up the call.

Nope not Steve at Mission of Tears,

Nope not a referral call.

It was westjet, telling me I won something.

I immediately hung up the phone while screaming, "AHHHHHH, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!!!!!"
I was mostly directing my anger to the the voice machine on the other line, because somehow they should know better! But honestly how does one get telemarket calls on their cellphone?? Worst.

So, yes, it is true I have lost my mind. It seems that everyday the wait gets harder and harder. Somehow I feel so close, but then I have to keep telling myself I am only dreaming. This has to be some form of torture.

I have hope, but it seems that it is the hope that kills you. I just can't help it. I can't help waking up every morning with the thought, "Will today be the day?" or going to bed every night wondering how to stop wondering if tomorrow will be the day. I keep crying to God asking him for some type of answer but, it always comes back...just wait. I do believe the timing will be perfect, but I am just struggling these days.

Not today. Maybe tomorrow?


Sunday, May 8, 2011


If I were to ever wish away a day, today would be that day….but if I would have wished away today,  I may have missed a day worth wishing for.
 I may have missed my nephew sing and dance.
 I may have missed my foster nephews run and play.
 I may have missed my beautiful Mother-in-law smile with joy as she watched her family playing together.
 I may have missed the heart felt card from my husband, who knew exactly what to say.
 I may have missed the joy and simplicity of just being with my family.
 I may have missed the deep longing in my heart, that is sometimes necessary to feel to truly know your hearts desires.
 I may have missed God’s love for me on a day that didn’t feel too loveable.
And I may have missed the dream, the dream of one day holding my own on today, squeezing them tight, with tears in my eyes as I remember all those past days that I ached for today.