Home again

Dad and I at the beach

I am home from Ontario, it was a good and exhausting trip. I enjoyed time with family and some old friends too. These trips are always bitter-sweet. I love seeing my family but after only 5 short days I had to say goodbye for another year. And of course it is never easy to attend a funeral of a friend.

Aunt Lois and I

But I am home now. I missed my husband way too much, so when I saw him at the airport I had to stop myself from crying in front of everyone.

My cute nephew Adan with a giant marshmellow!

As far as adoption news, we have seen some referrals being given which is always good news...but as far as us, I'm afraid we just wait...and when we are done doing that, we wait a little longer. Some days can get extremely discouraging, thoughts of not being good enough to be chosen or we are only getting older, can take over. I am trying though, trying to see the good, trying to find God...but sometimes I just feel beat up.

It's embarrassing to go back home and have nothing to tell my anxious family and friends, it's heartbreaking to make another trip to the cottage alone. I always say, "next year will be the year" and then next year comes and it is not it.

I don't want to have a pity party so I will stop, please remember us in your prayers and continue to pray for our children. Please pray for all their documents to come in quickly as it is possible that we are matched but don't know it because our children's documents are not all together.

My sweet niece Brooky (5)

My beautiful sister Emily and Adan

My step niece, Layla (7)

The three little ladies, Layla, Jenna (5), and Brooky

My Beautiful Ladies

These are some of the best women that I know. These women and a few not in the picture, a couple who are my die hard work out buddies and a few that live a province away. They are beautiful inside and out. These are the women that I am blessed to share my life with. I am truly a better person because I know them. I often thank God that he has blessed me with such a wonderful community. I have an amazing family and I have some great friends to go through life with. I am so richly blessed because of this. I may have to wait for children and feel a lot of sorrow and pain, but my life is not without blessings. I could fill a book with the good things that God has given to me.

But today I am thankful for this picture.

I am thankful that these women pray for me and I am thankful that they trust me enough to allow me to do the same for them. 

I am grateful that I do not need to hide from them. There is nothing that is too ugly for them to help me through.

And I am so thankful to have friends who make me laugh and bring joy to my life.

Right before this picture was taken all our kids and dogs tried to be in the picture. We shooed them all away, they were standing to the side waiting for us. I am glad that they allow me to love their children and that they love my measly little dogs.

Don't ever take for granted those who God puts in your life!!

Training

Tomorrow I start training on my new job. I will be working at the Grey Nuns hospital on Unit 52, medicine/stroke unit. I am very happy and I feel so blessed to be chosen for this job...but honestly, I am completely stressed out. I always do this when I start new jobs, I did it all through school with every practicum....the night before I start I have a melt down. I am holding it together pretty decently but inside I just have so much anxiety. I try to talk myself out of it, but for some reason I am still scared. I haven't worked in the hospital for a year now so I feel like I have forgotten a lot. I know it'll all come back quickly but who wants to be that nurse, standing there looking like an idiot.

Anyways I will not vent too much... hopefully I won't be there too long :) and when I finally get to take my parental leave, I will have a good part-time job to go back to.

That and no more being chased down to my car... or pizza being thrown at me... or knives being pulled... or being sworn at because I can't prescribe narcotics... but those things still make me laugh a little. I will have lots of stories for the rest of my life.... oh and probably no more dressing changes on kitties :(

God is more than

God is more than the pain of losing Julia.

God is more than the loss of an unborn baby's life.

God is more than quitting my job.

God is more than the stress of starting a new one.

God is more than waiting.

God is more than my never ending cold.

God is more.

He was before the beginning and he is after the end.  He is first and he is last.

He is greater, bigger, larger, more than.

Thank goodness for this 'cause I was just about a mess.

missing you

I lost my grade school and high school best friend this week. She was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis when she was 8 months old. If you don't know anything about CF, it affects the lungs...filling them with mucus till you pretty much drown. Julia had a double lung transplant while we were in Gr.8. I remember visiting her in the hospital and making funny videos for her to watch. Her first set of lungs lasted 5 years before she had her second transplant. While in high school she went for her second set of lungs, these lungs lasted about 7 years. She was hopeful for a third set of lungs but the doctors said she was not well enough.

Last year in Feb, I got a phone call that Julia was in the hospital again, she almost didn't make it.  I flew out to be with her for four days then had to come home to finish the practicum I was in.

She lived another year, it was not a wonderful year...more of a painful year for her. She was not well, but she fought for her life everyday. She was suffering in a way we will never know. But she was strong, she loved her friends and family, this was everything to her.

On June 1st her battle with CF finished. She will be so missed. She was one of the greatest friends anyone could've had. She was so loyal and compassionate. She would be lying in the hospital fighting to breath and be more concerned about the friends around her.

I really loved her. She was the first friend I had when I moved to Stratford in grade 7. Her house was my second home. I could go on and on about all the things we experienced together...but today I am so greatful that I knew her. My teen years would have been lost without her in them.

I am happy though, that she no longer has to suffer. No one should have to endure the pain she had to. I believe our God has special mercy on those who endure long suffering. I am sure her mansion has a few extra rooms!

But our hearts still grieve, she left behind many who loved her. She left a void...never to be forgotten.