Adoptive Breastfeeding

As the joy still continues to sink in every time I look at my son, my mind is beginning to switch gears. I am beginning to prepare. As it was a complete shock that we got such a young little baby, there are so many things to think about! We were thinking we would most likely get an older boy, so we are switching the gears in our minds. We are thinking of all things baby; sleeping, playing, diapers, teething, carrying, bathing and of course feeding. I have decided that I would like to breastfeed. I wasn't going to come outright and tell everyone, but I was encouraged by a friend that I needed to be an advocate for adoptive breastfeeding. Not many people have heard of it, but it is, in my mind, one of the best things I can do for my son. As I did not know what age my child would be, I have not really looked into this before... it is all new to me. I have been quick, however, to begin the process as it can take some time and I want to harness every day that I have. In preparation, there are medications that I am currently on to hopefully induce lactation. I began this process quickly, knowing without a doubt that this was something I wanted to do. It is only slowly sinking in now as to why this is so important to me.  It dawned on me this morning as I started to feel slightly nauseated at the thought of a certain foods, that instead of hating this feeling as I usually do, I am starting to enjoy it. You most likely will think I'm crazy, but let me explain. Up until now I've had no part in Isaac's upbringing. I have had no way to be his mama. I can not hold him, bath him, rock him or feed him. I had no part in his birth mama's pregnancy or delivery, although I know that our prayers have carried her through. But physically there has been no part I've played, until now. To feel nauseous, hungry, craving some things, I am beginning to feel connected to my son. As if in some way I am "pregnant" with him, I feel physically connected. Preparing to breastfeeding is the one thing that I can physically offer to my son. When you are pregnant you basically resign your body to your growing child inside. It is no longer your body but your baby's body. Everything becomes about them, your growing, your changing, your sickness, your entire shape begins to change for them. I don't get that, my body stays the same, except for maybe some extra pounds from stress eating during this adoption process! But this is my chance for my body to become my son's. He may not have grown inside me, but I am still his. I want to change for him, to feel different for him, to feel like I am becoming a mama. And physically as I begin to change in very small ways, I somehow feel connected to his birth mom as well. This beautiful stranger, who carried our son. She choose life for him. Her body changed, swelled, adapted. She felt his first movements, his heartbeat and she carried him into this world. I can't imagine. She placed him somewhere were he would be found and taken care of, she chose life for him. And now I get to continue in choosing life for this boy. I get to be the second mama. And somehow I am connected to this beautiful women in Ethiopia, not through relationship but through our son. The boy we both will choose life for. So in part of that, I believe the best thing I can give my son is breastmilk. I want him to have the best; the best food, clothes, blankets, lotions, bed, etc. I'm not saying he will get it all, but I'm saying this is how I feel. Breast milk is the best nutrition I can give him right now. I realize it may not work out and he may not latch, but I feel this is worth fighting for. He is worth changing for, feeling nauseous for, hurting for. He deserves the best of what I can offer him. So as I wait for him, prepare for him, I pray that I can provide this God given gift to him.