Saturday, November 9, 2013

Family Age

It's been 6 months since we became a forever family. To say these months have flown by is an understatement...I feel like I blinked and here we are! We are feeling more and more of a bond with everyday that passes. Our love for Isaac keeps growing, I can't explain to you how much we love this boy. You know when you here a good sappy story and your eyes well up? You don't full out cry or form tears that roll but emotions bring your eyes to well up. I get that almost everyday watching Isaac. I hate being the one that is all fairytales and sparkle dust because the reality of adoption is usually not that...but sometimes it is. Sometimes I look at Isaac and he runs to me to pick him up and hug him all silly then he bursts out laughing and in those moments the tears begin to form. Now I will be realistic, he is almost 18 months and with that bring a whole host of other how I feel after I explained for the 50th time that he can not throw his food to the dogs, or the embarrassment of the shrieks in public, "no, no, no!" But it's all coming together, this imperfect, messy and beautiful life as a family. We are feeling like one. Isaac has always been ours but I'm at a point now when we go in public that I am almost shocked if someone thinks he isn't mine. I was extremely aware of the fact that Isaac is our son through adoption for the first few months of arriving home, but now I just don't think of it all the time. Occasionally I am very aware like when I attend my mom and baby workout classes, I often feel like an imposer at these, but I am thinking of it less. Maybe the fact that Isaac is my son is finally beginning to sink in, it's been a while since we have referred to ourselves as auntie and uncle!
Lately I have been thinking a lot of our family age. I find myself comparing to others with 18 month olds, they tend to be able to leave them easier, worry less about what they eat or play with, carry them less and not baby them as much...but I remind myself that our family age is only 6 months. In many ways we parent as if we have a 6 month old at home. We have been labelled the overachieving parents, in love of course, but it is true to say that of us. When we go in public you will often see us fussing over Isaac, pulling on his clothes, cleaning him, feeding him, and just generally over concerned with him. While this be hard for some people to understand or look to most people like we are over the top, to us he is 6 months old. I find myself mentally trying to catch up to his age. Like when he started to walk with confidence it was hard, and probably harder than people would understand, after all whose 5 month old walks by themselves?? And while I love watching Isaac grow, it's hard to see him grow out of being a baby. Sometimes I still see glimmers of his babyness and I almost sigh in relief that it is not all gone. When I lay him down to change his diaper he curls his legs up to look like a baby or when I rock him to sleep he will snuggle into me with his bottle or when I snuggle him up in my sling, I see bits of his baby side still lingering and I am in no hurry to see them vanish. While most people have long since rocked their baby to sleep at 18 months, I still do it as if it was the first week having him home. I watch him as his eyes fight to stay open and then finally give in to sleep and close. In these moments he is my 6 month old baby, I sigh and think "oh how sweet". So when people suggest I do away with these parts, carry him less, rock him less and baby him less...I just think they really don't understand that to me Isaac is 6 months new...and not 18 months old.
Don't get me wrong, I love to see Isaac grow and reach new achievements, nobody is prouder than us! But we do struggle with it, we were in no rush for him to walk, we were ok with him crawling for as long as he wanted and this should explain why. I am beginning to shift from baby to toddler in my mind, admitting that he is becoming a big boy, but I will still let the little baby parts of him linger for as long as he needs them to. So bare with us as we now begin to think of what it might look like for someone to watch him while we go on a date or the fact that he still sleeps in our bed or even that we haven't allowed him sugar yet... Trust me we will get there, it just might take us a little longer then usual :)


  1. I feel that "welling up" when I see you love that boy. The joy fills my heart and overflows up into my throat. It is a beautiful, precious thing to see you in the role of "Mama". Take as much time as you want.

  2. Thank you for sharing this! It's totally how I feel and I just have never figured out how to put it into words! Thank you!