My First Mother's Day

Mother’s Day 2013

I’ve been looking forward  to this day for many, many years now. I’ve blogged about Mother’s Day lots in the past, on it’s painful memories and reminders, but this year it is different. This year I celebrate Mother’s Day for the first time since I was 6. This is my first year I can claim this day as one that I celebrate. It’s not that every year has been awful, but it was always a reminder of what I didn’t have and what I wasn’t.

The day has arrived and my heart is filled with joy. I look at my baby and can’t believe the gift that has been given to me. I am blessed beyond what I could’ve imagined. I hope I never take this gift for granted. Many years I doubted that God heard me or that he even cared about my cry… but today I am certain he heard my every word and saw my every tear. He was up to something, but was waiting for his time to be perfect. His time is now and his gift is sitting in my arms.

It’s not that we did anything too special yesterday, but it was more the significance of the day. In fact, all our plans were thrown out the window. We had planned to go to church in the morning with the orphanage director then go to the Sheraton for swimming and food for the rest of the day. We woke up early as per Isaac, and started our day with our usual routine of playing and eating breakfast. Our ride came at 10 to go to church. Church was amazing, the singing and worship was something I have not experienced. I loved it. People are so filled with joy, they were free to dance and sing out whatever they wanted. But, it was loud, Isaac was held by someone else and the place was filled with people. Although I am happy we got to experience it, I know it was a lot on Isaac. Church ended around 1 and we arrived home at almost 2. I knew in my heart that to go out again would be too stressful on Isaac. At first I still wanted to go, after all it was mother’s day and I really wanted to take Isaac swimming… but I watched my boy’s smile return as I places him on the floor to play and I knew that this is where we needed to stay. We stayed in all afternoon and evening playing on the floor. I would have loved to go to the Sheraton, but this is what our boy needed. So I am learning about being a mother, about putting our baby’s needs above my own, about sacrificing the things I want for the betterment of our family. It’s not easy, but this is what I wanted. I wanted to learn how to be selfless, I wanted to learn how to be a good mom. So I was happy. Happy that I got to rock my boy to sleep 3 times, change his diapers, feed him 6 bottles filled with boob milk, play games, sing songs, give him a bath and just be his mom. I am privileged to see him laugh, squeal, burr his lips, cry and even whine.

I love being a mom, I always knew I would love it. It is hard work and sacrifice, but it is so worth it. I love snuggling Isaac in close and rocking him to sleep. I love seeing his little eyes roll back in his head as he fights to keep them open. I love his little kisses in the morning when he crawls all over us to wake up. I love putting outfits on him that I picked out. I love feeding him milk that I worked my butt off to give him. I love kissing his neck and hearing him laugh. Ok, I could go on and on… but I think the point is made. I love this boy and I love that God has finally allowed me to celebrate today, I won’t take it for granted.