If only I could tell you...

My child how I long for you. Every morning when I wake up, you are on my mind. I wonder what you are up to, what you are going to eat for breakfast, who will feed you, who will play with you. It is almost too much some days. I dream of you all night then think of you all day. My heart longs to be with you. I can’t imagine a better day then the day I get to meet you. Forgive me if I overwhelm you at first, I just don’t think I’ll be able to separate myself from you. I hope one day you will understand how badly you are wanted, how desperately you are loved although I haven’t even met you. I pray often that Jesus will be your mom and your dad while we aren’t able to be there. I know he will take care of you. I hope you can see his face. I hope you never feel alone. We are coming soon, as soon as God permits us we will be there. Until that day, look for Jesus, he will be with you. With more love then you can imagine, Your Mom.

Fair Trade Organic Coffee

I decided to sign up to be the coffee-maker at church. I must confess that I had a few hidden motives...for a while now I have been promoting fair trade and organic products, so I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to stand up for something I believe in. So I wrote these little blurbs and posted them beside the coffee stand.

WHY FAIR TRADE?

We have chosen to serve fair trade coffee because we believe it is an issue of social justice that is close to God’s heart. We can not blindly consume without considering the consequences our consumption plays on others. Coffee beans come from all over the world, most coming from third world countries. When coffee has not been labeled fair trade, one can assume that it’s production was produced in unethical manners. Unfair prices paid, unrealistic working hours, child labor, abuse, etc. When we truly think of the origin of our consumption, we can see that everything we buy has an effect on the whole of mankind. If we support fair trade companies and workers, we are supporting fair, just and loving ways of employing and empowering people to make a living. We make a statement that we care about the realities of the people who made our coffee. Although it is easy to detach ourselves from the results and reality of our consumption and our indirect support of unfair practices, I boldly suggest that we are enslaving people, including children, when we make unethical purchases. Although fair trade products are often higher in price, I’d like to draw attention to the true cost of a cheaper product. Jesus speaks loudly throughout the Bible on the way we ought to treat others, “love your neighbor as yourself”, are we loving our neighbor if we are blindly supporting their enslavement? But we have options, we don’t have to make unreflective decisions, there are companies that offer fair trade alternatives. We can mindfully purchase without causing harm to workers. This is why, as a church, we feel it essential we serve fair trade coffee.

Proverbs 31:8-9 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the
rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the
rights of the poor and needy

Isaiah 58:1-8 You wonder why God is not listening to you? Share your food with everyone who is hungry, your home with the poor and homeless, clothes to those in need. Remove the chains of prisoners who are chained unjustly, free those who are abused. You think only of yourselves and abuse your workers.

WHY ORGANIC?

We believe that God created the earth and everything in it. We also believe that God left us with a responsibility to care for this earth in a way that would sustain it and not harm it. Organic means grown without pesticides or harmful products, not only is this responsible to the earth but it is responsible to our bodies. When it is available, we can make a statement of choosing organic and thus owning responsibility to care for our earth. 

Homestudy Update

Note the chewed spindles 

It’s almost been two years since we completed our first homestudy, which means the time has come for a homestudy update. I was convinced that it would never come to this, it couldn’t possibly take longer than 2 years for an adoption to be completed (sarcasm noted).  But yet I am proven wrong, it actually can possibly take longer than two years, maybe even three years or four, you get the point. So on October 1^st our social worker is coming to update us. Not sure what there is to update, we still have no children, still live in the same house, still have a dog, are still married… but yet I am freaking out a little. One wrong move and this lady has the capability to shut down our entire adoption. The past few days I have found myself wondering around the house looking at everything as if I were evaluating whether or not it silently communicates something about our parenting skills or the type of people we are. For example, I have been worrying about the spindles that Lily chewed when she was a puppy, this could show that we are negligent with our dog and therefore will be negligent with a child, or that our dog is vicious and will attack a child. Or the fact that we have no door on our bedroom bathroom, she may think we are disgusting or too care free. I packed up any baby clothes I had stored in the closet for fear she would think we just want a baby and not an older child…as you can see I could drive myself crazy with this. I still have a good week though to go through the house thoroughly, a spring cleaning of sorts or a crazy woman who wants a child so badly she would do anything like scrub the baseboards with a toothbrush, to make sure she didn’t screw this up-cleaning. Either one my house is about to be spotless! I’ll let you know how it goes.

New blog design coming soon!!

Stay tuned for a new blog design by Nikki Cochrane!!

While we are waiting

I found this scripture the other day,

Isaiah 58: 9-12 (The Message)

A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places

 9-12"If you get rid of unfair practices,

   quit blaming victims,

   quit gossiping about other people's sins,

If you are generous with the hungry

   and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,

Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,

   your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.

I will always show you where to go.

   I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—

   firm muscles, strong bones.

You'll be like a well-watered garden,

   a gurgling spring that never runs dry.

You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,

   rebuild the foundations from out of your past.

You'll be known as those who can fix anything,

   restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,

   make the community livable again.

I needed to hear it today. I’ve been struggling since school has ended and now that my license exam is over, with finding meaning in life. Not like, what is the purpose of my life, but how can my days be meaningful. I always assumed that when I was finished school that we would get our children or at least be well on the way with it. I did not expect, or maybe I feared to expect, that I would be at the place I am right now; no future prospects of children arriving at my house any time soon. I thought if I obeyed God with going to school for two years, my reward would be a family in the end. And this is what happens with expectation: disappointment when it doesn’t go your way. I am lucky, however, to have a husband who is not only patient with my impatient outbursts, but who is also wise in his counsel. While I sat here panicking that my life was adding up to nothing, he reminded me to find purpose wherever I can; to spend my time with the down and out, to pour into lives while I wait. Little did he know that I had just read Isaiah 58, which he was basically, unknowingly, quoting to me. It’s a good thing we both don’t fall at the same time; it’s nice to have a hand up the mountain when you need it. So I am now looking for meaningful ways to spend my days, including making my work days as meaningful as my non-work days. I have a feeling I will know where to find it.

I especially like the first line about getting rid of unfair practices, I equate this to being ethical consumers, I have been heading this way but I feel I need to continue to pursue this further. And of course when it comes straight out and tells us to give ourselves to the down and out, there is no question of where to find meaning in life. Jesus calls us to take care of the orphans but it’s our definition of orphan that may be making us hold back. An orphan is one without mother or father, but what about the abandoned, the outcast, the minorities, the lonely. I’ve been upset because my heart is to be a mother to orphans, but I am stuck here. I have felt that I can’t fully live out my calling until I can leave Canada, but I’m learning that isn’t completely true. God must have a reason for my waiting, for my being in Edmonton. Although I thought it was just to finish my nursing, I am now realizing there must be more.

Wordless Wednesdays- on days like today

The bankruptcy

About a year and three months ago, we got a call telling us that our adoption agency (Imagine Adoption) had gone bankrupt. A month previous to this we had just paid our final instalment, our bills were finished. We rejoiced as we thought that we were getting close as we had now paid off our entire adoption! But when we received this phone call last July, we were crushed. I can't explain to you how we felt, only to say it may have felt something like a miscarriage. We thought we had lost our chance of becoming parents to our Ethiopian baby. That weekend we were scheduled to go camping in Jasper, while we were there, a friend gave me a song to listen to; When the time comes by Jason Upton. I couldn't help the tears from flowing as I listened to the words, "when the time comes I will see forever, when the time comes it'll be alright, when the time comes I will be the one asking why, why did I ever doubt you." I knew then that God would work something out, that he was on our side, going to bat for us. It turned out I was right a few months later our agency was pulled out of bankruptcy, with a few more costs and a six month lag time, we were up and running again. Although it looks as though it will be a few more years till our child comes, the list is still moving. It is painfully slow at this time, almost unbearable. These are the days I must trust that above all, I've got the God of the universe on our side.

Just waiting

Day 895

We have been waiting for many many days for a child. We have been through many ups and downs in this process, but when looking back, I have to confess we have learned a lot. Many days have proven to be miserable and desperate, but many days have shown to be full of hope and joy.

Hebrews 4:2-3 We received the promises as those people in the wilderness, but the promises didn’t do them a bit of good because they didn’t receive the promises with faith. If we believe, we’ll experience that state of resting. But not if we don’t have faith.

I equate the miserable and desperate days to a lack of faith. Never have I been tried as hard as I have these past 895 days. I am learning though, that without faith, I will not rest. I have had days were I start to panic or I become bitter because things are not working at my pace or on my schedule. Then I have days were I am reminded that the God of the universe is on my side and he desires to fulfill my dreams, in his timing. These are the days I am at rest, filled with peace that I am on the right track, knowing that the day our baby comes, will be the day God planned for them to finally be in our arms.