While we are waiting

I found this scripture the other day,

Isaiah 58: 9-12 (The Message)

A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places

 9-12"If you get rid of unfair practices,

   quit blaming victims,

   quit gossiping about other people's sins,

If you are generous with the hungry

   and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,

Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,

   your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.

I will always show you where to go.

   I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—

   firm muscles, strong bones.

You'll be like a well-watered garden,

   a gurgling spring that never runs dry.

You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,

   rebuild the foundations from out of your past.

You'll be known as those who can fix anything,

   restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,

   make the community livable again.

I needed to hear it today. I’ve been struggling since school has ended and now that my license exam is over, with finding meaning in life. Not like, what is the purpose of my life, but how can my days be meaningful. I always assumed that when I was finished school that we would get our children or at least be well on the way with it. I did not expect, or maybe I feared to expect, that I would be at the place I am right now; no future prospects of children arriving at my house any time soon. I thought if I obeyed God with going to school for two years, my reward would be a family in the end. And this is what happens with expectation: disappointment when it doesn’t go your way. I am lucky, however, to have a husband who is not only patient with my impatient outbursts, but who is also wise in his counsel. While I sat here panicking that my life was adding up to nothing, he reminded me to find purpose wherever I can; to spend my time with the down and out, to pour into lives while I wait. Little did he know that I had just read Isaiah 58, which he was basically, unknowingly, quoting to me. It’s a good thing we both don’t fall at the same time; it’s nice to have a hand up the mountain when you need it. So I am now looking for meaningful ways to spend my days, including making my work days as meaningful as my non-work days. I have a feeling I will know where to find it.

I especially like the first line about getting rid of unfair practices, I equate this to being ethical consumers, I have been heading this way but I feel I need to continue to pursue this further. And of course when it comes straight out and tells us to give ourselves to the down and out, there is no question of where to find meaning in life. Jesus calls us to take care of the orphans but it’s our definition of orphan that may be making us hold back. An orphan is one without mother or father, but what about the abandoned, the outcast, the minorities, the lonely. I’ve been upset because my heart is to be a mother to orphans, but I am stuck here. I have felt that I can’t fully live out my calling until I can leave Canada, but I’m learning that isn’t completely true. God must have a reason for my waiting, for my being in Edmonton. Although I thought it was just to finish my nursing, I am now realizing there must be more.