Saturday, April 2, 2011

Expectations in a box

Over the last month, God has taught me many lessons, one of them being about my expectations. He showed me, how over the past years, I have unknowingly been placing huge expectations on him. We are reading a book called Emotional Purity with the youth girls. I went into this study thinking I would teach the youth all about being emotionally pure...I got a few weeks into it, when I realized that God had quite a few things to teach me. In one chapter it talks about our expectations, we expect to get married, we expect for things to take a certain amount of time, we expect to get what we want, and in my case, we expect to have children. What God showed me through this is that I had placed many expectations on him to make me a mother. Don't get me wrong, it is not wrong that I desire these things, but it is wrong that I would seek to take them under my control and get angry when things don't go as I feel they should. God has shown me that he has a gift for me, if I place expectations of what I think this gift should be, I will only be disappointed if it ends up anything different then I had thought. I am also, in a way, saying that I know what is best and that I am right.

When we met for youth Bible study, we all decided we needed to start getting our expectations under control (mainly I needed to haha). When I was alone, God brought to my attention the closet full of expectations I had upstairs. By saying a closet full of expectations, I mean, a closet full of baby, toddler and children's clothes. Every time I expected a certain child, I would buy things for them. So in my closet I have newborn clothes, baby clothes, toddler clothes and 4 year old clothes. I have now packed these items up and put them in my basement. I am not sure what I will do with them, but I know that I need to lay aside the expectations that they represent.

You may think I am all sad and sorrowful at this time, but honestly, I am so full of joy and anticipation. I can't wait to receive God's gift for us rather than our own idea of what our gift should be. I am so excited to see what he has in store. I know it will be great, it will not be what I expected but it will be what he expected. He reminded me that when I sit and try to figure everything out, dates and timelines, that it is like opening the wrapping of my Christmas present a week early then putting it back under the tree. When it comes to Christmas morning, the excitement is gone because I sneaked. So, for now, I am waiting for Christmas morning to come in all it's glory, full of surprise and untainted by false expectations!

Having fun with my niece, Dakary, who came to visit me last week from BC!!

Seaweed masks!

Beautiful Dak and Oli!

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you're back! I love how much you are learning through this period - and not letting the waiting time go to waste!