Room for a Child: Expectations in a box

Over the last month, God has taught me many lessons, one of them being about my expectations. He showed me, how over the past years, I have unknowingly been placing huge expectations on him. We are reading a book called Emotional Purity with the youth girls. I went into this study thinking I would teach the youth all about being emotionally pure...I got a few weeks into it, when I realized that God had quite a few things to teach me. In one chapter it talks about our expectations, we expect to get married, we expect for things to take a certain amount of time, we expect to get what we want, and in my case, we expect to have children. What God showed me through this is that I had placed many expectations on him to make me a mother. Don't get me wrong, it is not wrong that I desire these things, but it is wrong that I would seek to take them under my control and get angry when things don't go as I feel they should. God has shown me that he has a gift for me, if I place expectations of what I think this gift should be, I will only be disappointed if it ends up anything different then I had thought. I am also, in a way, saying that I know what is best and that I am right.

When we met for youth Bible study, we all decided we needed to start getting our expectations under control (mainly I needed to haha). When I was alone, God brought to my attention the closet full of expectations I had upstairs. By saying a closet full of expectations, I mean, a closet full of baby, toddler and children's clothes. Every time I expected a certain child, I would buy things for them. So in my closet I have newborn clothes, baby clothes, toddler clothes and 4 year old clothes. I have now packed these items up and put them in my basement. I am not sure what I will do with them, but I know that I need to lay aside the expectations that they represent.

You may think I am all sad and sorrowful at this time, but honestly, I am so full of joy and anticipation. I can't wait to receive God's gift for us rather than our own idea of what our gift should be. I am so excited to see what he has in store. I know it will be great, it will not be what I expected but it will be what he expected. He reminded me that when I sit and try to figure everything out, dates and timelines, that it is like opening the wrapping of my Christmas present a week early then putting it back under the tree. When it comes to Christmas morning, the excitement is gone because I sneaked. So, for now, I am waiting for Christmas morning to come in all it's glory, full of surprise and untainted by false expectations!